Casting shadows on the wall.

I can feel myself stopping,

Shutting down.

What is it all for?

This daily race of turning

Faster and faster

Only to halt at night

And not accomplish anything.

Sitting in the dark, motionless

Waiting for something to happen.

Oh, how I long to control myself!

To turn at will, at my own speed,

To be given time to think

And still be productive.

Instead, I have no choice.

I stay here, bracing for a thoughtless, soulless night,

Turning slower every second,

Slower and slower until I

Stop.

“I grabbed the ladder and managed to get my foot onto the first step to climb out of the pool. In my days of teaching swimming I could pull myself up with just my hands against the wall and get all the way up to my hips, but age had made that impossible.  Proud as I was that swimming had been a lifelong hobby of mine, it was becoming increasingly more difficult. I shook the water out of my hair, grabbed my towel, and walked into my apartment. Without acknowledging my surroundings, I walked to the bathroom, turned on the water, and closed the door. Stepping into the shower, I closed my eyes and let the steam surround me. Finally I opened my eyes, washed my hair and body, and went to turn off the water. All I heard was a low squeak, the sound of my heel sliding across the bottom of the tub.  The water was still on, raining down against my chest. Sitting up, I began to feel dizzy and let myself back down to rest for a moment. Breath after breath, I felt more and more dizzy. I brushed my hand through my hair before pulling it away and noticing the blood trickling down the drain. Sitting up once more, I reached for the faucet. The knob turned and the water ceased before the light-headed fog over my eyes returned. I laid back down in my tub and took slow, deep breaths before closing my eyes. Maybe I was dying, I wasn’t entirely sure. Either way, when they found me, at least I would be dry.”

Note: if you are curious about the screenwriting class that inspired this post, please visit http://www.lifewrite.com/html/class.htm

I lost by yelling across

the pool. What a day.

My stomach is sinking as the dial tone pierces my ears.
It’s 7:30 in the morning.  My heart shatters when you exhaustedly moan “hello?”
I loathe every cell of my being as I tell you this
and all you can say is “what’s wrong with you?”

The numbers on the gas pump keep rising faster than I can blink.
The fluorescent lights reflecting off your greasy hair are blinding me.
This is just ridiculous, pretending we’re fine.
The steering veers, yet you keep pumping the gas.

I’m still too shocked to cry. Listening to your staggered breathing
between accusations is exhausting.  Stop yelling at me for not crying.
Just please tell me it will be ok.
Please don’t hate me.

The gas stops pumping as the machine asks so politely
if I would like a receipt.  All I can do is stare at the dashboard,
unable to bring myself to glance at your pathetic smile.
The check engine light came on, yet you kept pumping the gas.

It’s been a few days now since the phone call.
You’re still not looking at me the same way you used to.
I tried to tell you it wasn’t my fault
I had been warned about strangers with candy,
but nobody warned me about best friends with booze.

You stand next to my car holding the door open,
handing me my credit card.
“Are you still mad about last night?”
I say nothing.  Why are you even trying?
“At least all I did was get upset.”

Now you’ve entered no man’s land.
No matter how many store-bought bouquets,
heart shaped necklaces, or bottles of Martinellis
you nervously give me, you are doomed.
I slam the door in front of you and pull away from the gas station.
Don’t bother.  Next time, I’ll pump my own gas.

“Good boy, such a good boy”.

I rolled over to the other side of my bed and turned off my iPod alarm clock. The odd shift in my dreams woke me up more often than the actual music did. My sheets were still warm and the sun was shining through my window. I stretched and put on my black cat slippers and began to think about my day. Go get coffee, eat breakfast, brush my teeth and wash my face, pack, and then enjoy myself. I could not wait to go on vacation!  The cat heads on my slippers bobbled back and forth as I walked to the kitchen to see my mom sitting there in her robe reading the paper.

“Morning mom!”

“Morning Dawn.” She took a sip of her coffee and finished reading the article she had been reading before I came in. “Listen, I know you’re not done packing, so don’t forget to bring your first aid kit.”

“What for? We’re just going to Disneyland.” I’ll admit it; I’m kind of a dork. But hey, I just graduated high school and my friends and I wanted to go to Disneyland. So what?

“I know you’ll only be gone for a few days, but you never know what could happen. Besides, I know you probably won’t be the one using it, but your friends might need to.” My mother put down her paper and gave me her serious face. I finished pouring my coffee and sat down at the table with her.

“Alright, I’ll bring it, but only because you asked me to.” My mom smiled at me before explaining she had work to do and telling me to have breakfast and not just coffee and to go pack. Still muttering to me, she disappeared into her room.

Rummaging through the pantry, I finally settled on just eating a bowl of cereal. Kix would have to do. I finished my coffee and cereal and headed to my room to pack. I reminded myself to pack one fewer pair of clothes than I would need, since I would soon be changing out of my pajamas and would also be bringing the clothes I change into. Let’s see, underwear, bras, socks, shoes, jeans, t-shirts, hoody- sweatshirt (in case we stay in the park at night), make-up, and camera. I continued to list off items I needed as I saw them, making frequent trips to the bathroom to grab items I forgot to get the last time I went. Every item was thrown in the bag at the very last minute before I heard the doorbell ring. Changing clothes in a flash, I pulled on zip-up sweatshirt as I answered the door.

“Hey, ready to go?” Owen asked me with a smile. We had been dating for almost a year.

“Yeah, just let me grab my stuff and tell my mom we’re leaving.”

“Here, I’ll grab your bag; you go talk to your mom.”

He slung my bag over his shoulder while I found my mom, told her I packed the first-aid kit, hugged her and said goodbye.

“Have fun and be safe!” She called out to the door from her room.

“I will!” I smiled and closed the door.

Owen and I walked toward his car, a slightly used 2007 Toyota Camry that he got as a graduation present, and I swapped seats with Ina. I met her in Biology class sophomore year. He put my bag in the trunk and I started looking for good road trip music on his iPod before he came and sat down in the driver’s seat.

“So, ready to go?” Owen asked as he looked at me and then back at Ina.

“Yeah, I’m ready!” Ina said from the backseat.

“Alright, let’s go!”

It wasn’t long before we were on the highway, going over hills what seemed like every ten minutes. All that surrounded us were hills of dead grass. To be honest, the ride got boring pretty fast. Owen wasn’t really talking much because he wanted to focus on driving so he didn’t mess up his car, and Ina was reading again. But hey, I was desperate for something to do besides count cows.

“Hey Ina.” I didn’t expect a response now that she had her nose in a book.

“Mmm?” she replied without moving an inch.

“What’s that you’re reading?”

“Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy, it’s violent, you wouldn’t like it.” She spoke without looking up for a single moment before turning the page. I shuddered just from the title.

“I honestly don’t know how you can read that stuff.”

“Well sorry Miss hemophobe, but I enjoy it.”

My face got red and I went back to looking at the dead grass.

“Sorry to be so blunt about it, but it’s kind of obvious. I mean, with how you didn’t dissect that pig’s heart in biology and how you were nowhere to be found when I cut my hand after carving into a chicken that time you had dinner at my house.”

“Fine, you’re right! I didn’t dissect the pig’s heart because my mom talked to Mr. Brewer and convinced him to give me an alternate assignment. Besides, she had a good point. He could either give me another assignment or have me faint in the classroom.” I shook my head and kept looking out the window.

“Alright, I’m sorry, but I just don’t understand why it freaks you out so much…” Ina looked at me like I was a freak before trying to read again.

“Actually, I don’t know why you’re afraid of blood either. It’s ok, I don’t mind, but I don’t think you’ve ever told anyone.” Owen looked at me with those big brown eyes of his and I turned to the window and began counting cows. Luckily, my silence was enough to end the bombarding questions and it wasn’t long before the cows, tan-colored hills, and silence put me to sleep.

***

“Remember, today, just sit at the nurse’s station and color, ok? I can’t take you with me everywhere, especially not near my patients, ok? If you come near my patients, they could get sick and I could get fired, alright sweetie? Do you understand?”

I nodded to my mother and squeezed Benny tighter before coughing again. Benny was the best dog in the whole world.  Real dogs barked, bit people, and made my throat itch, but all Benny did was love me with those big loving plastic eyes.  My mom parked her small blue car and took my hand once I climbed out of the car.  I had never been to her job before, and the building’s  glistening window-covered walls made it seem like a castle.  Once we walked inside, however, I thought we were in the jail part of the castle.  There were people with their legs help up by ropes, others with string laced through their skin, forming lines across their bodies.  Other people were sleeping, but it was not the kind of happy sleeping I did during nap-time at school.  These people were sleeping like they would never wake up.  Before I even knew she was behind me, a woman picked me up and sat me on a stool.

“Your mommy had to go help someone, ok? My name is Christie and I’m your mommy’s friend. How old are you?”

I held up six fingers.

“Oh wow, you’re such a big girl! Hey, do you want to color?”

I nodded.

“Ok, here.” Christie handed me some paper and my crayons, then walked away with a guy in a white coat.  I started to draw Benny and I on the playground at school to forget the bad place around me, but it wasn’t long before I heard the crash.

“I need help over here! Hit-and-run, he’s losing blood!”

I saw mommy and Christie run in the crowd toward the man on the rolling metal table.  They rolled the man down the hall toward where I was sitting.  As he passed me, I saw his eyes. They were rolling around like my marbles did on the floor of my room. They got really big and the man coughed louder than I had ever heard before so I closed my eyes. I felt something hit me and cover my arms and shirt. It was warm and sticky. As I slowly opened my eyes, all I saw was red, on me and Benny. Last thing I remember is Christie telling me not to scream, and the man in the white coat telling my mommy the time.

***

“Hey, wake up.” Owen gently shook my shoulder.

“What time is it?” I rubbed my eyes and looked around to see if we were at Disneyland yet. I couldn’t tell how long I had been sleeping due to an unusual lack of dreaming.

“It’s about 6 o’clock. We’re almost there, but I’m almost out of gas. Do you want to grab anything to snack on? Ina is asleep so we’ll just try not to wake her up and keep going.”

“Oh ok. Yeah, I could go get snacks, do you want anything?” I ran my hands through my hair and pulled it back into a ponytail.

“No I’m ok, just get what you want.” Owen smiled and kissed me before getting out to pump gas.

I grabbed my purse and walked into the AM-PM. There was a balding middle age man behind the counter and only one other customer. The motion sensor dinged as I walked in and the man behind the counter gave me the rehearsed greeting before continuing to watch the news on a mini-TV on the counter. There was another man in the store, wearing baggy jeans and a large black sweatshirt. His face was pale and he had bags under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in a while. Pacing the store, he didn’t seem to be looking for anything in particular. I walked over the chips and tried to keep an eye on him to make sure he didn’t try to steal my purse or something. None of the chips looked good and I wasn’t really in the mood for jerky, so I wandered over to look at the ice cream. I sat there staring at all the flavors for a few minutes before deciding that all I wanted was something to drink. I was about to walk over to the corner where the sodas were when I heard an odd clicking noise.

“Give me everything you have! Quickly!” The man in the sweatshirt was screaming at the man behind the register, his eyes bulging out of his head.  “You! Get down on the floor, now!” He pointed his gun at me and I dropped to the floor and hid behind one of the shelves. I heard shuffling and bells ringing from the cash register before hearing a boom and a small piece of metal hitting the floor. The hooded man ran out of the store and yelled to a friend that I hadn’t noticed when I first woke up and I heard their car speed away.

I got up, ran to the front of the store to the counter, and saw a line blood inching along the floor like a caterpillar. I took a deep breath before taking off my sweatshirt and balling it up against the middle age man’s chest. Owen ran in, leaving the gas pump in the side of the car, to see what was going on.

“Owen, call the police!” without a word he ran out of the store toward the pay phone. Blood started seeping into my sweatshirt from the man’s chest. I closed my eyes for a moment, applying more pressure than I had been before. Finally, I opened my eyes.

“My name is Dawn, what’s your name?” my voice was shaky, but I knew I had to keep him awake.

“Greg…” the man whispered to me before coughing.

“Ok, Greg, we’re calling the police. You need to stay with me ok?”

“Ok…” Greg coughed again and strained to take a deep breath.

I stared into Greg’s eyes and told him to keep fighting, and that everything would be alright. He nodded as best he could, and I began to hear sirens in the distance. There were only two things on my mind at that moment: keeping Greg alive, and my mother.

I will never forget the time I came downstairs to get breakfast from the pantry only to find you in the middle of it among the boxes of cereal you had knocked down.  You looked at me with those innocent eyes and meowed at me like nothing had happened.

I will never forget the time you followed me all the way to school in the first grade. You meowed at me the entire way as if to tell me not to go.

I will never forget how you would jump on mom’s car after she picked me up from middle school, so that we could “head-but” as I got out of the car. Sometimes you licked my forehead, but I didn’t mind.

I will never forget how I felt to see you again when I came back from college for the first time. I had missed you so much and wanted to take you back with me.

I will never forget how you jumped off my bed that night and hid next to my laundry. You wouldn’t let me pick you up, so I got a bowl of water for you and went back to bed.

I will never forget waking up the next morning, to find you under my sheets on the floor, staring up at me. I petted you and told you I would miss you, and went to work.

I will never forget the phone call I got 10 minutes before I was supposed to get off work, telling me you were gone.

We had so many days together, and you were always there.  Now I will never see you again. I’ll miss you.

*Note: This is an update. It has been 4 months since this happened, but what was posted before did not do Scotty justice. I still think about him every day, as a pet and a friend.

]]> http://skyofroses.wordpress.com/2009/12/09/r-i-p-scotty-you-were-the-best-cat-in-the-world-august-1994-december-9th-2009/feed/ 0 skyofroses http://skyofroses.wordpress.com/2009/12/07/if-someone-could-bring-me-a-cup-of-hot-chocolate-and-some-advil-that-would-be-great/ http://skyofroses.wordpress.com/2009/12/07/if-someone-could-bring-me-a-cup-of-hot-chocolate-and-some-advil-that-would-be-great/#comments Tue, 08 Dec 2009 06:49:01 +0000 skyofroses http://skyofroses.wordpress.com/?p=78 ]]> It’s that time of year again, winter finals! Thus, I have not posted the two stories I promised to post yet, as both are in revision. However, I have to revise one of them by this Thursday, so one story will be posted by Friday night! The main problem now is…which one?

Aside from stories, I also have to write a research paper that presents an argument in my Critical Thinking class, so I have decided to write mine addressing the question: “Did The Beatles deserve the fame and acclaim they have so abundantly received?” Of course, my answer is yes. But research, such as what awards they won, etc.,  will have to be included. I will post a copy on here, of course!

Immediately following finals I have to go through Water Safety Instructor training for work, so I may take longer posting the second story than I originally intended. All I can say is it will be revised by February 15th, which is when I would have to submit my final draft to the literary anthology for my college. Sorry for the delay!

Anyway, I hope anyone who has wandered across this post has a very wonderful holiday season and may it be less stressful than mine.

with no vocal cords is not

fun like Disney thought.